The Italiano tourist wrote a complaint letter to the Manager of a hotel in London. The letter read as follows: (it's just too good, I really had to post it here)
Dear Signor Diretorre
Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella. I am comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a young man at your hotella. When I comma in my room I see no shit in my bed. How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the Receptione and tell: "I wanna shit". They tella me "Go to the toillett ". I said "No, no. I wanna Shit in my bed". They said "You betta not shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch".
What is sonnawabitch?!
I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs and Two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella waitress and point to toast "I wanna piss ". She tella me "Go to the toillett". I say "No, no. I wanna piss on my plate ". She then say to me "You bloody fella better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch ".
Second person who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch! What is sonnawabitch?
Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock. I tella waitress "I wanna fock", and she tella me "Sure, everybody wanna fock". I tell her" No, No. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on The table". She then tell me "So you sonnawabitch, u wannna fock on the table? Get your ass outa here!"
So I go to the receptione and ask for bills. I no wanna stay in your hotel no more. When I have pay the bills, The porter say to me "Thank you and piss be with you". I say "Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch".
I go back to Italia! I never more comma stay in your hotella, You sonnawabitch!